What do you do when you all you hear is, "My grace is sufficient"?
When you don't have answers, when you don't have reasons, when you're left holding nothing but your faith and your family, what do you do?
I've asked myself that very question over and over and over the last couple of weeks...
others have even asked me that question over and over the last couple of weeks.
I don't know about you but when God says, "Dawn, my grace is all you need... it's ALL you need..." I'm tempted to argue and say, "no God, I'm gonna need more than that today".
Grace is great for offering a blessing or giving thanks before a meal. Grace is wonderful when you want to exude a certain charm or attractiveness. Grace is beautiful if you're a ballerina and you want to woo a crowd with your dance. But when you want answers, when you need direction...grace???
Whether I want to admit it or not, I find myself thinking that grace is just not sufficient.
And THEN I realize that in the battle for my very soul, grace was indeed sufficient. So, I dig a little deeper and I beg this God who owns my soul to show me how this grace is going to be sufficient, even now.
When he says, "Dawn, My power is made perfect in the midst of your weakness", I beg for His perfect power to be evident now and not later.
When he says, "Dawn, boast about your weaknesses so that I can shine through you, so the world can see Me and not you" I question why He won't just take away the pain and shine in other, less painful, ways.
As Philip Yancey pointed out in What's So Amazing About Grace?--> "how thickly the veil of ungrace obscures my view of God".
Remember me telling you about our trip to visit the Dr. here in Haiti? If not, you can read about that here: No Average Saturday. If so, you remember that it was anything but a pleasant experience. I (unlike God) had no idea what the actual Dr. visit would entail but I did figure it wasn't going to be fun. This current situation we find ourselves in was no surprise to God, but as details began to unfold and the reality of what was going on hit so hard, we cried out much like our own children cried out that day at the hospital in Limbe.
God didn't inflict this pain on us any more than I inflicted pain on my own children that Saturday. But just as I didn't stop the painful situation (knowing that it was for a greater purpose), God has not stopped the painful reality of our current loss because I believe He has a much greater purpose in store. I hated that my children were in pain and I hated that they were scared and I hated that they were experiencing such traumatic things that day but I knew that if I stopped it all then we wouldn't be able to move on with the greater purpose ahead of us. So, I wrapped my arms around them, I rallied prayer warriors to pray us through and I even cried with my children in that office that day and I believe God has been and continues to do the same with me/with us even now. He has wrapped His big ole arms around my feeble little self and He has felt every feeling I've felt during this current trial.
He hasn't walked away from me just as I didn't walk away from my children. He knows we are scared and He says, "Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you." (Deuteronomy 31:6)
He hasn't told me to smile and pretend it doesn't hurt, just as I wouldn't tell my children to 'suck up the pain' and pretend it didn't hurt. He knows it hurts and He reminds me in John 16 that, "...you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy." (verse 20)
He promises that when I ask in His name that I, "...will receive, and [my] joy will be complete." (verse 24) He says, "I have told you these things, so that in ME you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world." (verse 33)
And He has also reminded me that, just like that Saturday, these pains are temporary. "Our momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." (2 Corinthians 4:17)
So how does one really delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecution, in difficulties as Paul mentioned in 2 Corinthians 12? I'm still learning that but I can tell you this... I am also learning that His grace (*the divine influence which operates in humans to regenerate and sanctify, to inspire virtuous impulses, and to impart strength to endure trial and resist temptation) IS sufficient!
*definition from wikipedia