Bending...

A month ago, a snippet of my journaling/quiet time looked like this...


"Trust Me to show you what to do when you have finished what you are doing now.  I will guide you step by step - as you bend your will to Mine.  Thus you stay close to Me on the path of peace."(Jesus Calling)

Lord, I know you said, "And you, my child will be called.... to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace" in Luke 1, but a lot of days I feel like we are the ones in need of a light...  someone to shine on us... especially when it feels like we are living in darkness.

I felt weak for feeling like that.... for feeling needy... for feeling inadequate... for feeling like I just couldn't give anymore... for feeling like I was the one that needed to be ministered to.

I doubted my ability to keep going.  I felt defeated.

I needed clarity.
I needed purpose.
I needed hope.

    I still do.

But something has become clear to me in the darkness this past month.

     As we draw close to the source, we gain clarity. 

And it's in the darkness that we realize we were created to need the light....

...and we are able to see that in our weakness, we are right where we are supposed to be.  

We were never meant to be the light for others without first being bent toward the Light as mentioned in Psalm 27:1, "The Lord is my light and my salvation--whom shall I fear?" 

We see that our purpose is in fact to walk with Him and to fall into Him when we just can't go any further.

It's easy to get wrapped up in the mentality that as Christ followers, we are here to minister without taking time to be ministered to.  But I would argue that we can't possibly minister to anyone else unless we are being ministered to.  Not catered to but ministered to... and not just every once in a while but regularly!

We can only be an instrument through which others encounter Christ 

to the degree that we encounter Him ourselves.

Although self-sufficiency is rewarded in the world, God created us to rely on Him.
John 15:5 says, "I am the vine, you are the branches.  If a man remains in Me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from Me you can do nothing." 

When we're feeling over-extended or like we've hit the wall in our journey, thinking we just can't keep going, it's time to LET GO.  And REST IN KNOWING that we were never meant to be the strong one.  God chose you and He chose me, although weak, so that His STRENGTH can be evident through our honest weakness.

"The moment you obey the light of God, His Son shines through you in that very adversity; but if you debate with God, you grieve His Spirit.  You must keep yourself in the proper condition to allow the life of the Son of God to be manifested in you.  Our circumstances are the means God uses to exhibit just how wonderfully perfect and extraordinarily pure His Son is." - Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

Our journeys in life were never meant to be about us but about the One who gives us life.  Even when life is sometimes dark.

Senyé, 
Ala nou kontan 
se pa nou k'ap kenbe ou
men se ou k'ap kenbe nou.

Lord, 
How glad we are 
that we don't hold you,
but that you hold us.

How much longer?

Anytime he leaves, whether for an errand or longer, everybody wants to know when Daddy's coming back!
If he grabs the keys, the questions begin...

'Where are you going?'

'Can I go???' 

'How long will you be gone?'

'When will you be back?' 

It's almost impossible to answer with a precise time because you just never really know what might happen as you venture out on the Haitian road, J so, we do our best to give "guess-timated" answers which lead to lots of other questions...
'How much longer is he going to be gone?'

'Is he here yet?'

'When is he going to be back?'

'Is that him?' 

'Is THAT him?'

One thing is for sure... no matter how long the wait, by the grace of God he always comes back.  But you know what?  Even though they know that Daddy will return, they still ask the questions every time he leaves.

Maybe because the anticipation of something good makes waiting extremely difficult.

Or maybe because when our waiting appears to have no end, we start to question things we know to be true.

Over the last couple of months, it's been really difficult in the middle of our waiting and many of our circumstances have caused us to question a lot of things that we know to be true.

We've felt forgotten, we've felt abandoned, we've felt like we've had the life knocked out of us.  We've even felt that if we didn't receive some promising news soon that we'd completely unravel.  But we've been reminded that we have some real promises to cling to during this time of waiting.  And despite our feelings, we know these to be true.

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." Psalm 46:1
"One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard: that You, O God, are strong, and that You, O Lord, are loving." Psalm 62:11
"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5
"Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep His promise." Hebrews 10:23

And in with the promises, there are also challenges.

"You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised." Hebrews 10:36
"Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Matthew 6:33
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear...Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Matthew 6:25,27
"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you.  But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed." 1 Peter 4:12-13

"Don't worry"...
"Rejoice in your sufferings"...
I don't know about you but that stuff doesn't come easy for me.  I'm not surprised that we have trials.  Who doesn't?  We live in a sinful world.  We will have trials until we leave this world.  But I have had a really hard time rejoicing in the muck and some days I struggle with worry... a lot.

We've questioned whether this is all there is... thinking 'this' can't be why God called us to pick up and move to a foreign country... that there has to be more than this constant search for 'the next'.

Oswald Chambers said, "Even the most spiritually-minded of us argue...saying, 'But I must live; I must make a certain amount of money; I must be clothed; I must be fed.' The great concern of our lives is not the kingdom of God but how we are going to take care of ourselves to live.  Jesus reversed the order by telling us to get the right relationship with God first, maintaining it as the primary concern of our lives, and never to place our concern on taking care of the other things of life."

Seek first.....God.  And all will be added.....

That's hard stuff.  Especially when you aren't so sure where you are going to live next month, or in some cases lately, even the next week.  Maybe this time of suffering is indeed a time of discipline so that we will believe these promises in a whole new way.

Discipline stinks.  But it's necessary for growth, right?

From my devotional book by Oswald Chambers, I've also discovered this:  "Many of us do not continue to grow spiritually because we prefer to choose on the basis of our rights, instead of relying on God to make the choice for us.  We have to learn to walk according to the standard which has its eyes focused on God.  And God says to us, as He did to Abram, "...walk before Me..."(Genesis 17:1)

As we continue to walk, we pray...

"O Lord, be gracious to us; we long for You.  Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress."  For surely God, You "will be the sure foundation for our times, a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the Lord is the key to this treasure."

~Isaiah 33:2,6

Lately

It's always hard to 'get back to it' when I've taken time off from writing.  Not cause I don't have a ton to share but oh, where to begin.......

Over the last 6 weeks we've encountered what we would consider some of our darkest days and yet, we've enjoyed some incredibly refreshing days, as well!

While continuing to pray for direction and clarity, we've been bunking at The Heartline Guest House in Port au Prince.  Here they're known for "serving the servers" in Haiti and it's been such a blessing to be able to park somewhere for more than a week at a time... and unpack our truck!











We've had the opportunity to meet other missionaries that speak some of the same 'life language' as we do and sometimes just knowing you aren't alone is such a gift, in itself!


The kids have fallen in love with the staff here and are spoiled a little each day.



Kinley has enjoyed breakfast like a queen on more than one occasion...


And new friends have even helped with school time!


Mandi came to do the girls' nails one afternoon..


And although Kinley told her that she wasn't very good at it, I think they all had a good time.

The boys helped out at the Heartline Bakery one night... 

 And they've all enjoyed sprawling out on the floor for movie time!

Caleb and Kinley have been practicing for Moto Rides...

And on a safer note..

 We've watched family movies on the 'big screen' for entertainment, too!

The girls are catching up on their R&R...

...and love doing quiet times outside under the mango tree.

John helped Allan trim the trees...

...cause there was a chainsaw involved.

And then there was that day that I was queen for the day... J 

..cause my family ROCKS!

So, while that's just a bit of our last month or so, I'm guessing you can see how blessed we are to have a place to call home -- even if it is just temporary housing!

We thank God for Heartline Ministries and also for you who continue to lift us up in this crazy, uncertain time in our lives.  Thank you so much for all the messages so many of you have sent over the last month!  We continue to pray for community, companionship and connection and your words of encouragement and concern are quite medicinal!!!  

I pray you rest well tonight...

May the God of peace hold us all and renew us for what lies ahead! ~Y

"The God of peace be with you all. Amen.""  Romans 15:33