11.12.14

Maybe I'm still in 'teacher mode' but when I look at today's date, 11.12.14, I automatically think, "something is missing".  For a correct number sequence we need a number '13' in there, right?
   (I need a break from school.  This is truth.)

     Schooling aside, I've felt like something was missing for months now.

It's not just the kiddos and families from Camp Coq that we miss.
It's not just the home we lived in or the attained structure that we had adopted as part of our new life in Haiti that we miss.
It's not just time with extended family or traditions, as we experience holidays in new ways here, that we miss.

     So, what is it?

Earlier this year, shortly after moving to Port-au-Prince, we took a field trip to the tin market during school one day to see how the artisans make art from steel drums.  They don't use machines or template presses but they use their feet, to hold the metal, and their hands to hammer out the designs or wording.

It's quite fascinating!  These guys possess incredible talent!

We visited the different workstations and looked inside and outside a lot of rooms that displayed the art.  The kids found things that they wanted to purchase and John even saw a couple of things that caught his eye, too.

I was amazed at the artwork throughout the market but when we walked into one shop, I saw a piece I was particularly drawn to.  It was the only one like it (and now, 6 months later, I still haven't seen another one).  I loved it!

We talked to the artist, agreed on a price and left with the piece that day.  Eventually, we hung it in the office here at the Guesthouse.

Art isn't the thing that's been missing but when I look at my piece, I'm reminded of what is....

                            .....contentment. 

As cool as the piece is, after hanging it on the wall where I could see it every day I was very aware that it didn't exactly mirror my heart and that wasn't so cool.  It, instead, has been my challenge and some days I'm just not satisfied.  Lately I've even said it out loud,
       "I am not satisfied."

I'm sure you can relate to some common 'when's' that keep us from relishing in satisfaction...
  "When I lose 10 more lbs I'll be satisfied."
  "When I get this new job I'll be satisfied."
  "When my children grow out of the 'know-it-all' stage I'll be satisfied."
  "When I can have children of my own I'll be satisfied."
  "When I have more money I'll be satisfied."
  "When I get a bigger house I'll be satisfied."
  "When I get a newer car I'll be satisfied."
  "When we have what they have I'll be satisfied."

The list could go on and on and on but do any of these things really bring satisfaction?  Lasting satisfaction???

Here's what Isaiah and David had to say about it...
"Why spend...your labor on what does not satisfy?  
Listen, listen to me...and your soul will delight in the richest of fare." 
-Isaiah 55:2

"..the Lord ...satisfies your desires with good things..."
-Psalm 103:5

As I was looking for these scriptures in my Bible I found a card with a name and phone number on it.  It's from the guy who owns the vacant house right around the corner.  House #7, the house that really is near perfect.  The house we looked at months ago and again last month.  The house I've prayed over since the first time we saw it.  The house that is still around the corner and vacant since we can't make it work.

While it's true that a house of our own, with a bedroom for JUST John and me (and separate bedrooms for the kids, of course), has definitely been tops on our list of wants for the better portion of this past year, there's no doubt that when we have that again, there will be other things that dangle in front of us claiming satisfaction, won't there?

So.... when we are faced with the temptation to go after more in pursuit of satisfaction, how do we actually obtain it?

According to scripture, satisfaction will never be found in any "it" that we might be holding so dear but only in the One who takes joy in filling us every time we are lacking.  It's hard......the waiting......the striving......contentment.

I'm trying to be satisfied both with the stuff I'm given and without the stuff I want but it's not even about the stuff.  Can't I get this, already?!?

When I look to the Lord to satisfy, He never fails to deliver.  But it's not going to be in stuff.

"...godliness with stuff contentment is great gain." 

~ 1 Timothy 6:6

No other moms...

I grabbed the keys and a mug with coffee.
With the youngest and oldest kiddo in tow, I started the truck this morning.
It felt like old times.
It felt normal.
It felt right.

Kinley and I dropped Cabila off at his school and then proceeded back into the "flow" of traffic.

I sipped my coffee in my favorite Guesthouse ceramic mug and then it hit me...

...no other moms were dropping their kiddos off (not in a vehicle, anyway).

      No other moms were sipping coffee from a ceramic mug.

           No other moms had a young one behind them
             playing a game on their mom's cell phone.


I was reminded that though I am living in a world where I sometimes stand out instead of blending in, I am extremely blessed!

I face challenges everyday that haven't always been a part of my 'norm' and many days I'm tempted to focus on what I don't have instead of thanking God for what I do have.  I've struggled with this lately.  But today I am reminded again that His provisions are indeed provisions, even if they don't look like I imagine them to be.

"God is in the business of providing for us. And He does provide for us everything we need each day. We need to open our eyes to the ways He is providing. Focus your eyes on all God has given you each day."

~Melissa Crutchfield

The Mystery

"The mystery of the dance is that it's movements are discovered in the mourning.  To heal is to let the Holy Spirit call me to dance, to believe again, even amid my pain, that God will orchestrate and guide my life.  

We tend, however, to divide our past into good things to remember with gratitude and painful things to accept or forget.  This way of thinking, which at first seems quite natural, prevents us from allowing our whole past to be the source from which we live our future...

Gratitude in its deepest sense means to live life as a gift to be received thankfully  And true gratitude embraces all of life: the good and the bad, the joyful and the painful, the holy and the not-so-holy.  We do this because we become aware of God's life, God's presence in the middle of all that happens."

~ Henri Nouwen, Turn My Mourning Into Dancing