Our children are learning valuable lessons here in Haiti in ways they wouldn't have learned them 'at home' in the States. This was one of the things that excited us about the move, not to mention all that we are learning, as well.
Last week Caleb came inside to tell me that the "bike boss" had lied. He was very upset when he told me what happened. (By the way, everyone here is called a boss in some form or fashion. If you work with iron, you are called the 'iron boss'... if you work with tile, you are called the 'tile boss'... and if you work on bicycles, yep- you are called the "bike boss".)
So anyway, Caleb's bike had a flat tire (for the 15th time now, it seems) and he used some of his money to buy another tube. The boss promised that the tube he was buying was new, however, the next day the tire was flat again. He and his friend, Julsaint, took it apart to see what the problem was. Despite what the boss told them, the boys saw that it had been previously patched in 3 different places.
This led to some great conversation about integrity but we also talked about how to respond when things don't go "right".
Caleb probably would have been happy if the boss had switched the bad tube for a good one and said, "I am so sorry, I didn't realize that one was damaged", but that didn't happen.
When we face situations like this we can respond in one or two ways. We can seek to make the other person who wronged us miserable by 'paying them back' or we can forgive them and move on. If every situation were as "small" as a bike tube that'd be one thing but what do you do when you're dealt a bad hand, so to say, in the "big" things?
Forgiveness.... a word I heard a lot about in Sunday School when I was young but not a topic that makes up a whole lot of my adult conversations...
Colossians 3:13 says, "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."
Ok, but how do we do that?
All of us are mistreated from time to time, no matter what age we are, and I'm not sure it ever gets any easier to deal with but I believe that as we understand more about what forgiveness is and what it isn't, it is attainable.
Here are some things that I've learned:
Forgiveness is not just forgetting. Forgiveness does not mean that you agree with what happens or that you are saying that the other person is right. Forgiveness does not mean that you will automatically feel better. Forgiveness does not mean that you are giving the other person control over you but actually the opposite is true. When you chose to forgive you are no longer allowing the person or what happened to control you.
I feel pretty certain that the bike boss hasn't given another thought to Caleb or the bad tube but what if Caleb let this eat at him? If he continued to talk about it everyday, looked for a way to 'get the boss back', etc, then who is being controlled by the issue? Yeh, Caleb...
Caleb hasn't even mentioned it since we first talked about it and it seems as though he hasn't given it another thought.
What a great reminder to me to treat others with a "you don't owe me anything" mentality.
Forgiveness... it's never easy but it is possible.
"The most important trip you may take in life is meeting people halfway." ~Henry Boye
