How much longer?

Anytime he leaves, whether for an errand or longer, everybody wants to know when Daddy's coming back!
If he grabs the keys, the questions begin...

'Where are you going?'

'Can I go???' 

'How long will you be gone?'

'When will you be back?' 

It's almost impossible to answer with a precise time because you just never really know what might happen as you venture out on the Haitian road, J so, we do our best to give "guess-timated" answers which lead to lots of other questions...
'How much longer is he going to be gone?'

'Is he here yet?'

'When is he going to be back?'

'Is that him?' 

'Is THAT him?'

One thing is for sure... no matter how long the wait, by the grace of God he always comes back.  But you know what?  Even though they know that Daddy will return, they still ask the questions every time he leaves.

Maybe because the anticipation of something good makes waiting extremely difficult.

Or maybe because when our waiting appears to have no end, we start to question things we know to be true.

Over the last couple of months, it's been really difficult in the middle of our waiting and many of our circumstances have caused us to question a lot of things that we know to be true.

We've felt forgotten, we've felt abandoned, we've felt like we've had the life knocked out of us.  We've even felt that if we didn't receive some promising news soon that we'd completely unravel.  But we've been reminded that we have some real promises to cling to during this time of waiting.  And despite our feelings, we know these to be true.

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." Psalm 46:1
"One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard: that You, O God, are strong, and that You, O Lord, are loving." Psalm 62:11
"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5
"Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep His promise." Hebrews 10:23

And in with the promises, there are also challenges.

"You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised." Hebrews 10:36
"Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Matthew 6:33
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear...Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Matthew 6:25,27
"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you.  But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed." 1 Peter 4:12-13

"Don't worry"...
"Rejoice in your sufferings"...
I don't know about you but that stuff doesn't come easy for me.  I'm not surprised that we have trials.  Who doesn't?  We live in a sinful world.  We will have trials until we leave this world.  But I have had a really hard time rejoicing in the muck and some days I struggle with worry... a lot.

We've questioned whether this is all there is... thinking 'this' can't be why God called us to pick up and move to a foreign country... that there has to be more than this constant search for 'the next'.

Oswald Chambers said, "Even the most spiritually-minded of us argue...saying, 'But I must live; I must make a certain amount of money; I must be clothed; I must be fed.' The great concern of our lives is not the kingdom of God but how we are going to take care of ourselves to live.  Jesus reversed the order by telling us to get the right relationship with God first, maintaining it as the primary concern of our lives, and never to place our concern on taking care of the other things of life."

Seek first.....God.  And all will be added.....

That's hard stuff.  Especially when you aren't so sure where you are going to live next month, or in some cases lately, even the next week.  Maybe this time of suffering is indeed a time of discipline so that we will believe these promises in a whole new way.

Discipline stinks.  But it's necessary for growth, right?

From my devotional book by Oswald Chambers, I've also discovered this:  "Many of us do not continue to grow spiritually because we prefer to choose on the basis of our rights, instead of relying on God to make the choice for us.  We have to learn to walk according to the standard which has its eyes focused on God.  And God says to us, as He did to Abram, "...walk before Me..."(Genesis 17:1)

As we continue to walk, we pray...

"O Lord, be gracious to us; we long for You.  Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress."  For surely God, You "will be the sure foundation for our times, a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the Lord is the key to this treasure."

~Isaiah 33:2,6

Lately

It's always hard to 'get back to it' when I've taken time off from writing.  Not cause I don't have a ton to share but oh, where to begin.......

Over the last 6 weeks we've encountered what we would consider some of our darkest days and yet, we've enjoyed some incredibly refreshing days, as well!

While continuing to pray for direction and clarity, we've been bunking at The Heartline Guest House in Port au Prince.  Here they're known for "serving the servers" in Haiti and it's been such a blessing to be able to park somewhere for more than a week at a time... and unpack our truck!











We've had the opportunity to meet other missionaries that speak some of the same 'life language' as we do and sometimes just knowing you aren't alone is such a gift, in itself!


The kids have fallen in love with the staff here and are spoiled a little each day.



Kinley has enjoyed breakfast like a queen on more than one occasion...


And new friends have even helped with school time!


Mandi came to do the girls' nails one afternoon..


And although Kinley told her that she wasn't very good at it, I think they all had a good time.

The boys helped out at the Heartline Bakery one night... 

 And they've all enjoyed sprawling out on the floor for movie time!

Caleb and Kinley have been practicing for Moto Rides...

And on a safer note..

 We've watched family movies on the 'big screen' for entertainment, too!

The girls are catching up on their R&R...

...and love doing quiet times outside under the mango tree.

John helped Allan trim the trees...

...cause there was a chainsaw involved.

And then there was that day that I was queen for the day... J 

..cause my family ROCKS!

So, while that's just a bit of our last month or so, I'm guessing you can see how blessed we are to have a place to call home -- even if it is just temporary housing!

We thank God for Heartline Ministries and also for you who continue to lift us up in this crazy, uncertain time in our lives.  Thank you so much for all the messages so many of you have sent over the last month!  We continue to pray for community, companionship and connection and your words of encouragement and concern are quite medicinal!!!  

I pray you rest well tonight...

May the God of peace hold us all and renew us for what lies ahead! ~Y

"The God of peace be with you all. Amen.""  Romans 15:33

The morning after

So, it's the morning after the crucifixion.  

I'm guessing his mom, Mary, didn't sleep much last night.

Though the sun came up, Saturday was probably a dreadfully dark morning for her.

Eyes swollen from tears that wouldn't cease, I bet she struggled to get her 'daily routines' done.

They probably just didn't seem as pressing as before.  

Acts of his death replaying over and over and over again in her mind, her son was gone and what a brutal departure it was..  

Yes, I believe she believed his words that 'this wasn't the end' but I also believe that to her, it sure felt like it was.

Do you ever believe a promise from God and then fight doubts when what you see looks like a contradiction to the promise?  

Do you experience wrestling matches with what you know in your head and what you feel in your heart?  

Do you hang on to your beliefs when the world around you doubts that you are still sane?  And then sometimes, you even doubt that you are sane?

A new friend gave me a new book this week and in it Priscilla Shirer breaks the ice by saying, 

     "Here, hold my purse while I climb down from whatever pedestal you may have placed me on so we can talk eye to eye." 

Yeh, uh huh, what she said..... 

Let's leave the titles and expectations and the 'but-you've-got-it-all-together's by the wayside today... I just need to talk with you eye to eye, figuratively speaking of course.  

Today is hard.  Yesterday was hard.  The day before that was hard.  And this coming week will be hard.  I'm so tired.  I am so hungry for some 'girl-time' with those I call sisters.  I miss our family.  It's been 458 days since I've seen some of them.  I miss my pets.  Sleeping in the same room with our children is driving me crazy.  Having been with my children every day for the last 458 days has been a vehicle for the driving.  Hearing things like, "I didn't think you'd make it 6 months" isn't exactly comforting when 16 months in, I'd just like to take a couple weeks off.  Witnessing my husband grieve the loss of friends he considered brothers is excruciating.  Homeschooling enters a new bracket of challenge when you are trying to do it on the road in a different bunk from week to week.  Sucking the fumes from mosquito poison coils and wearing deet day to day is taxing - physically and mentally.  

Life is hard. 

It's hard for you where you are and it's hard for me where I am...  I am no different just because I've been given the label, 'missionary'.  I fail repeatedly and am reminded constantly of why I need a Savior.Every.Single.Day.

I get disappointed.  I get discouraged.  I get lonely.  I get angry.  I get hurt.  I get exhausted.  

I'm not SuperMom.  I'm not SuperWife.  And I'm certainly not SuperChristian.  

I'm just a girl from Mississippi that said, "Yes".  

But thankfully that's not the end of the story.  Saturday wasn't the end of Jesus' story and today is not the end of my story.  I may not wake up tomorrow in eternal glory but I have the assurance of knowing that one day I will.  This mission I am on is not mission impossible and I want to remind you that----neither is yours.  You don't have to be thousands of miles from home to be on a mission field and you don't have to believe your mission is over when you encounter some major road blocks.  

John and I saw a t-shirt the other day that said this,

     "A bend in the road is not the end of the road.  Unless you fail to make the turn."

We've taken so many turns lately that I feel like I need an IV drip of Dramamine.  And I don't do IV's. 

Thankfully when my flesh fails, I have the luxury of tapping into the healing drug of Jesus himself.  But I must chose to do that.  Every day I must chose.  Sometimes more than once or twice a day I have to chose again and again.  God loved me (and you) enough to become flesh and endure indignity and shame and bullying so that we can have assurance of being with Him in glory one day for all of eternity but He doesn't force my hand or my heart.  Part of my choosing Him over and over again is admitting that I don't have what it takes to do any of this on my own AND ALSO believing that He does.  

Philip Yancey writes, "Normally, we think of someone who dies a criminal's death as a failure."  But I rejoice today that Jesus was anything but a failure no matter what it looked like to the human eye.  We are not failures in Christ and y'all, God is ABLE to do that which no man can do for us, that which we cannot do for ourselves.  So today on the morning after, I am choosing again to trust that He is enough.  I pray that wherever you are this weekend that you will let that truth carry you when you just can't go any further.

From the text of our Haitian brother and his family this morning, 

"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you.  Don't let your hearts be troubled and don't be afraid." (John 14:27)  Happy Easter."