The morning after

So, it's the morning after the crucifixion.  

I'm guessing his mom, Mary, didn't sleep much last night.

Though the sun came up, Saturday was probably a dreadfully dark morning for her.

Eyes swollen from tears that wouldn't cease, I bet she struggled to get her 'daily routines' done.

They probably just didn't seem as pressing as before.  

Acts of his death replaying over and over and over again in her mind, her son was gone and what a brutal departure it was..  

Yes, I believe she believed his words that 'this wasn't the end' but I also believe that to her, it sure felt like it was.

Do you ever believe a promise from God and then fight doubts when what you see looks like a contradiction to the promise?  

Do you experience wrestling matches with what you know in your head and what you feel in your heart?  

Do you hang on to your beliefs when the world around you doubts that you are still sane?  And then sometimes, you even doubt that you are sane?

A new friend gave me a new book this week and in it Priscilla Shirer breaks the ice by saying, 

     "Here, hold my purse while I climb down from whatever pedestal you may have placed me on so we can talk eye to eye." 

Yeh, uh huh, what she said..... 

Let's leave the titles and expectations and the 'but-you've-got-it-all-together's by the wayside today... I just need to talk with you eye to eye, figuratively speaking of course.  

Today is hard.  Yesterday was hard.  The day before that was hard.  And this coming week will be hard.  I'm so tired.  I am so hungry for some 'girl-time' with those I call sisters.  I miss our family.  It's been 458 days since I've seen some of them.  I miss my pets.  Sleeping in the same room with our children is driving me crazy.  Having been with my children every day for the last 458 days has been a vehicle for the driving.  Hearing things like, "I didn't think you'd make it 6 months" isn't exactly comforting when 16 months in, I'd just like to take a couple weeks off.  Witnessing my husband grieve the loss of friends he considered brothers is excruciating.  Homeschooling enters a new bracket of challenge when you are trying to do it on the road in a different bunk from week to week.  Sucking the fumes from mosquito poison coils and wearing deet day to day is taxing - physically and mentally.  

Life is hard. 

It's hard for you where you are and it's hard for me where I am...  I am no different just because I've been given the label, 'missionary'.  I fail repeatedly and am reminded constantly of why I need a Savior.Every.Single.Day.

I get disappointed.  I get discouraged.  I get lonely.  I get angry.  I get hurt.  I get exhausted.  

I'm not SuperMom.  I'm not SuperWife.  And I'm certainly not SuperChristian.  

I'm just a girl from Mississippi that said, "Yes".  

But thankfully that's not the end of the story.  Saturday wasn't the end of Jesus' story and today is not the end of my story.  I may not wake up tomorrow in eternal glory but I have the assurance of knowing that one day I will.  This mission I am on is not mission impossible and I want to remind you that----neither is yours.  You don't have to be thousands of miles from home to be on a mission field and you don't have to believe your mission is over when you encounter some major road blocks.  

John and I saw a t-shirt the other day that said this,

     "A bend in the road is not the end of the road.  Unless you fail to make the turn."

We've taken so many turns lately that I feel like I need an IV drip of Dramamine.  And I don't do IV's. 

Thankfully when my flesh fails, I have the luxury of tapping into the healing drug of Jesus himself.  But I must chose to do that.  Every day I must chose.  Sometimes more than once or twice a day I have to chose again and again.  God loved me (and you) enough to become flesh and endure indignity and shame and bullying so that we can have assurance of being with Him in glory one day for all of eternity but He doesn't force my hand or my heart.  Part of my choosing Him over and over again is admitting that I don't have what it takes to do any of this on my own AND ALSO believing that He does.  

Philip Yancey writes, "Normally, we think of someone who dies a criminal's death as a failure."  But I rejoice today that Jesus was anything but a failure no matter what it looked like to the human eye.  We are not failures in Christ and y'all, God is ABLE to do that which no man can do for us, that which we cannot do for ourselves.  So today on the morning after, I am choosing again to trust that He is enough.  I pray that wherever you are this weekend that you will let that truth carry you when you just can't go any further.

From the text of our Haitian brother and his family this morning, 

"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you.  Don't let your hearts be troubled and don't be afraid." (John 14:27)  Happy Easter." 

Buffet, anyone?

As I mentioned in my last post, we had the opportunity to visit a new church last Sunday.  It was so refreshing to have a little taste of worship in English but we were also blessed by the challenging words that the pastor delivered, as well.

He talked about the responsibilities we have as Christians and the marks (or signs) of a true disciple.  So often when we are speaking with unbelievers I think we are tempted to "sell" Jesus as a ticket to a better life.  While the benefits of living in Christ far outweigh the costs, we can't afford to skip over the part that reveals the cost.

In one of my devotionals today (The Word For You Today), it talked about the Christian life being a series of blessings and buffetings.  Maybe you are like me and when you see or hear the word buffet, you think about an "all-you-can-eat" dinner set up but that is not what this word means here.  Isn't that kind of what some teach about Christ, though?

     'Show up to the party and eat what you like!'

     'Get fat on the good and feel free to leave the rest!'

The word "buffet" in the devotional today is described as "to render blow, after blow, after blow".  That's quite the different meaning!  So if we read it as it was written here, it states that the life of one who truly knows and follows the Lord will be full of blessings but will also involve some really hard times, too.  When you look at the life of Paul you can see that although he asked to be relieved of his "thorns" the response he got from God was, "My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness."  (2 Corinthians 12:9)  God, who promises blessings (Ezekiel 34:26), permits the buffetings.

If He loves us, why would he permit the trials and the blows and the disasters and the heartache and the pain?

Because He loves us and knows what is best for us, he wants to make sure we live our lives dependent on Him.  Without the trials and the blows and the disasters and the heartache and the pain, we would live independent of a Savior, right?

He's not a mean God who takes pleasure in the sufferings of His children anymore than we, as parents, would delight in the suffering of our own.

God loves His own.  He delights in His own (Matthew 12:18).  Though we argue that we know what is best for us (and our children), there's no way to know what lies around the corner.  Only God knows what awaits each of us and our families.  His ways are not our ways, no; His thoughts are not our thoughts, no (Isaiah 55:8-9).  But they are better.  They are true.  They are right.  And He always works things for our good!  (Romans 8:28)  Always!!!

Whatever you've traded in to follow Christ, don't give up... You aren't forgotten!  You will be rewarded!  And during the trials, grab hold of the One Savior that gives ultimate freedom in the midst of the chains.  He is true... He is Christ!

IN CHRIST......
I can do all things,
I can forgive,
I can sing,
I can play,
I can rest,
I can share,
I can move forward,
I can remember,
I can forget,
I can trust.......
IN CHRIST!

"Lord,

Thank you that You have given us the name Christian.

Now, give us strength to carry it."

~Haitian prayer from God is No Stranger

Palms, Homes & Jesus

"You are no longer foreigners and aliens, 

but fellow citizens with God's people 

and members of God's household." 

~Ephesians 2:19

I'm not sure what this verse means to you but when I received it in an email this morning I smiled and whispered 'Thank you, Lord'!  

We've moved about as a family the last 4 weeks and after visiting 9 different places we've bunked (literally) at 5 different spots in 29 days.  We are extremely grateful for the safe areas where we've rested and even more grateful for the new friends we've made but I'd be dishonest if I told you I wasn't guilty of wanting more.  

Many days I've quietly prayed and wished for permanent shelter and some days I've even voiced out loud my desire for a place we can call our own.  Interviewing as a family is challenging to say the least but throw some suit-case living on top of full days in the car up and down the mountains and you've got a recipe for wanting to end the day 'at home'.     

It's hard to get comfortable in a bed that's not your own.  

It's hard to sleep soundly when you share a room with 5 other people for 4 weeks, no matter how much you love them.

It's hard to feel 'at home' when you just aren't at home.  

Today, for the first time in 16 months, we were able to go to church where the service was in English.  The songs were in English, the message was in English, the greetings were in English and the prayers were in English!  Our girls got to attend 'children's church' where they waved real palm leaves and sang 'Hosanna' in honor of Palm Sunday.  

Our boys walked away talking about the experience and the message.  It was incredible and I felt like I was taking in a tall glass of water after an intense workout!  

It's true that we felt a little more 'at home' during our morning worship time with new friends, but during the days that we don't have familiar worship, Ephesians 2:19 can serve as a great reminder that we are not strangers to the family of God.  I know that no matter our surroundings we are not foreigners or aliens once we enter into a relationship with Christ.  I can't begin to tell you how that comforts my soul when all around us is foreign!  As we continue to follow God's lead and seek out His plan for us at this time, it's tough to feel anything but foreign but in this scripture, God tells us that He has made us a member of His household!  

Well, Happy Palm Sunday to you and to me!  That's stinkin' amazing!  

We can't hop on a plane and fly 'home' to see our extended family right now but our God assures us that wherever we are in this world that we are with family when we are with Him.  We are not visitors or paying guests... We are not passerby-ers waiting to see if He has a place to 'house' us for the next week...  We don't have to wait until someone else arrives that knows us to let us in...  We are in!  We are heirs to the throne of God!  When I take time to reread His promises that prove my place in His home, I know we've not been forgotten.  

In this life, when things get really tough we are so tempted to argue about things "that matter"...  things "that we need"...  things that "make or break us"...  but you know what.......  if I died tonight, regardless of safe shelter and a fan, I have all that I need cause I have Jesus!  

In the morning, when I rise...

In the morning, when I rise...

In the morning, when I rise, give me Jesus.

Give me Jesus, 

Give me Jesus

You can have all this world,

Just give me Jesus.

When I am alone...

When I am alone...

When I am alone, give me Jesus.

Give me Jesus,

Give me Jesus

You can have all this world,

Just give me Jesus.

When I come to die,

When I come to die,

When I come to die, give me Jesus.

Give me Jesus,

Give me Jesus

You can have all this world,

Just give me Jesus.

Give me Jesus,

Give me Jesus

You can have all this world...

You can have all this world...

You can have all this world, 

Just give me Jesus.

~lyrics by Jeremy Camp

(Give Me Jesus)

Like A Million Suns Ablaze

"But for you who revere my name, 

the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings.

And you will go out and leap like calves released from the stall."

~Malachi 4:2

You stand eternal
The uncreated One
Who knows no end
The starry wonders
The vast expanses bound to Your command

You formed the earth,
The sky, the sea
Father of every living thing


You spoke creation
Into existence
Life and all we are
Beyond all measure
The universe, an echo of Your power

   You shine like a million suns ablaze
   Wrapped in eternal light and praise

       Jesus, the First, the Last, the Bright and Morning Star

   You shine like a million suns ablaze
   Wrapped in eternal light and praise

       Jesus, the First, the Last, the Bright and Morning Star


Everlasting
Never ending
You will reign forevermore

You are Holy
You are Worthy
Lord of all

   You shine like a million suns ablaze
   Wrapped in eternal light and praise

       Jesus, the First, the Last, the Bright and Morning Star

   You shine like a million suns ablaze
   Wrapped in eternal light and praise

       Jesus, the First, the Last, the Bright and Morning Star

Everlasting
Never ending
You will reign forevermore

You are Holy
You are Worthy
Lord of all

(A Million Suns - by Hillsong United)

"The sun will no more be your light by day, nor will the brightness of the moon shine on you, for the Lord will be your everlasting light, and your God will be your glory."  Isaiah 60:19