I had other plans today...

Today it’s raining and windy and many of our close friends and family are stuck in the middle of some icky weather conditions, keeping them from their own homes.  Because of ‘Isaac’ , some are experiencing loss of power, temporary loss of homes and some are reliving some terrible memories from their time with Hurricane Katrina.  My heart is heavy for them today. 

We are fortunate that we’ve not had any major inconveniences due to this storm but my plans have been interrupted, none the less.  Today, I was supposed to go see my friends, Jana & Brad.  

For those of you who know them well, you know that this last month has been anything but easy for them and not a day goes by without gratitude for that day.  For those of you who don’t know them, they are 2 of my favorite people & they’ve been fighting a battle with cancer since December 13, 2007 when Jana was diagnosed with a brain tumor.  In January of 2008, she had surgery and the tumor was removed.  It was a benign Oligodendroglioma.  She was such a trooper!  Her strength and her attitude were unbelievable!  Seizures continued after that surgery so she had another surgery in December of 2008 to treat the seizures and to remove any additional tumor cells.  She was seizure free for over 2 years and during that time they moved to New York.  Seizures returned in April of 2011 and tests revealed a new tumor.  She went through rigorous treatments including Radiation and Chemotherapy but she never lost her contagious love for life.  

The last 2 years have been full of ups and downs.  They moved closer to “home” in May when a job opportunity opened up for Brad in Louisiana.  The last 2 months have been full of challenges and recent MRI’s showed tumor progression.  She’s been staying with her parents in MS lately since she’s needed a little extra help and can’t be alone during the days that Brad is at work.  I was able to go visit with her last week which was great!  I'm a little bummed that I can't go today!  I can’t tell you enough about how much these 2 mean to me… but I’m going to try!

I can honestly say I’ve never met a sweeter spirited yet stronger person than Jana!  Have you ever heard the story of the silversmith and the process of refining silver…you know, the one about him having to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames are the hottest to burn away all the impurities, making it shine so beautifully?  Jana is very much like silver…she’s been through fire after fire with her battle of brain cancer… and she’s most definitely gotten more beautiful with every added degree of heat.  She’s been through some junk over the last 4+ years that would make anyone angry and hard to be around but through it all I continue to be amazed at her outlook and attitude.  She is a princess but she is not a complainer!
: ) 
Last year when I went to visit them in New York, we made lots of incredible memories and swore we had to make getting together a higher priority from then on!!!

She flew back to MS with me so she could visit with her parents for a bit.  While she was there she planned to sing with her dad at his church so she practiced on the plane (well, she listened to the song over and over, soaking it in).  You know what song she chose to sing???  “It is Well With My Soul”… Now I’ve heard that song since I was a child but suddenly it meant something more to me…  Knowing this was the song she selected, I thought, "how perfect", because she has truly taught me to sing “It is Well With My Soul” and mean it!   I just wish I could've been there to hear her sing it!  

Last week, when I went to see her, we watched one of our favorite movies together and ate skittles.  She's lost her voice over the last couple of weeks and when she has strength to say something it's very soft and hard to understand.  She kept trying to tell me something and the only thing I could make out at first was, "Sam".  That part was pretty clear and after several attempts she got enough out that I got what she was saying.  It was all I could do not to fall apart...  You see, she knows me so well... she knows that while I am so stinkin' excited about our upcoming move to Haiti, I have been torn up about having to part with my pets prior to our move.  I haven't 'ironed out' all the details regarding our pets because it's been the one thing I can't seem to do...planning to part with them is necessary but not welcomed and finding homes for pets you don't want to part with is no easy task.  Anyway, a top concern of hers (for a while, so I'm told) has been placement of my furry babies when we leave the States.  She wanted me to know that she had already discussed plans with Brad to intercede with adopting my 'kids'.  This made me chuckle and I told her she knew as well as I did that Brad Webb was NOT going to take my 3 furry 'kids' in no matter how much I cried or how much she pleaded...  and then we both agreed that he loves me but he just doesn't love me that much! : )   
And that leads me to Brad……
Brad… cantankerous, feisty, smartyfarty, and a little intimidating at times but also...Brad, who is genuine, generous and true.  He has a hard outer shell but good as gold on the inside!  (I really didn’t mean to use metal analogies when starting this post but hey, it seems to fit!)  Anyway, Brad is one of those guys that you don’t know exactly how to read all the time but always comes through as the companion you want on your side no matter what you’re going through in life.  While I can't begin to fully understand what he's been through, I know that this battle against Jana’s cancer has been anything but easy on him.  Through it all he has provided, entertained and even pampered her (and some of her friends, as well).  He is the keeper of Jana’s heart and has always been her first pick from any line-up, even up against Drew Brees (smiles).  He is the life of the party and the one who stays after to clean up the party, too.  He is just a ‘good ole boy’ if you know what I mean!
After one of my stays with them in NY, I left this for them on the fridge...  it just seemed fitting!
       “FRIENDS… they love you,

               But they’re not your lover

               …they care for you,

               But they’re not from your family

               …they’re ready to share your pain,

               But they’re not your blood relation

         They are….  FRIENDS!"

I'm so honored that I can count them as my friends!  

I have NBLFY, Brad & Jana!  Can't wait to see you again...here's to many more "cuppas"!  
    

Dreaming and Imagining...

As the washing machine and the dryer are running in the background, Veggie Tales is playing on the TV in the living room and my favorite music is on in the kitchen.  My "Sambo", our ‘larger-than-most’ dog, is lying at my feet and I am enjoying watching the trees in the back yard blow in the wind.  (For those of you who haven't had the pleasure of meeting Sam, here's a picture of him & Kylie when she was younger so you can see his size.)

Sooner than later, I won’t have a washing machine or a dryer or a TV or my pets.  While I’m going to miss the things that make up my current everyday life, (some things more than others!) today I am dreaming of what is to come…  I know how excited I was when I met the orphans and the local families in Camp Coq for the first time 
and I can only imagine how cool the introductions between our kiddos and those that will become our extended family are going to be.
  
I envision Caleb and Jeff and LuLu embarking on several excursions and making creative projects.

I can’t wait for game nights and dress up time with Kylie and Dalinda…

and sharing silly songs and watching Kinley chase chickens and mocking the roosters will surely be great entertainment! 

While I know that change is almost always anything but easy, I’m quite certain that the break from the comforts we are accustomed to will only be a blessing when it’s all said and done.  The relationships that have already begun and those that are to come....hmm, I think God has some great things in store for us and there's a part of me that cannot wait to embrace those things!   

(heehee....“I Can Only Imagine” by MercyMe just came on the radio in the kitchen!  Ha… I’m seriously giddy………)

As we continue to plan and make arrangements for things like having a benefit garage sale in October, getting our house ready for the next owners, sorting through our belongings and shipping things we will need from here to there, we need your prayers for things to go as smoothly as possible.  John is currently working on some detailed “reports” so we can keep you up to date on the ‘business side’ of the move.  As soon as we have those details together, we will share that with you, as well.  We love you and we appreciate your petitions for our family! 

“Blessed are your eyes because they see,” Jesus said, “and your ears because they hear.” Matthew 13:16

Words...past & present...

There are so many things I want to share today but since my time is limited while blogging I’m snagging this moment and will try to make it ‘brief’… 
I found some old things this weekend while cleaning out (more) and sorting (more)… Among my findings was a loose journal entry.  It was from August 2, 2001…4040 days ago!  John and I were living in the Dallas, TX area at the time.  In part, it said this,

“Thank you that you don’t ever give up on us, no matter how long it takes us to ‘get it’ sometimes.  Lord, speak to my heart and let me know what you want me to do with my life.  I want to please you.  I want to be used by you.  I want to go where you want me to go.  Please guide us as we have a very important decision to make about where we are to serve you.  We rest in knowing that YOU will pick the place, not us.  Lord, please show us your will, your plan.  Please reveal to us the place where you want us to go and serve you.  Lord, thank you for making a way for us to make it in this world.  You are the way!  Thank you that we have the money we need to pay bills and have food on the table and clothes on our back and sooo much more!  You are the Ultimate Provider.  How awesome you are and how you always provide!!!!”

I am encouraged today that God has had a plan all along and that He holds our every day… today, tomorrow, and even 10+ years from now.  Several people, (family members and non), have expressed a concern over the last few months regarding our safety and our children’s safety with our plans to move to Haiti.  Some of you have been bold enough to share your concerns with us while some of you have let it spread through “the grapevine” :).  Either way, we are grateful that you love us and that you are concerned about us.  We fully believe that the safest place to be is where God has called us – as a family.  We are not able to say that we won’t face dangers in Haiti but we can’t say that we won’t face dangers here, in the States, either.  What we can say is that we believe that by not going where He has called is a danger in itself.  We love that you love us!  We love that you are concerned for our safety and we covet your prayers during this journey.  In Ephesians 1 it says, “It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for.  Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.  It’s in Christ that you…found yourselves home free.  This…is the first installment on what’s coming, a reminder that we’ll get everything God has planned for us…” (vs11-14)  Just as He has guided our path this far, I believe He will continue to do so as we venture into unfamiliar territory in Haiti. 

A great friend forwarded a devotional to me this morning and it said,

“I heard Your voice, I felt the allure of Your call, and I came out of hiding to follow You into unchartered territory. I came to the threshold of safety, looked behind to the familiar, looked ahead into the dark, and then abandoned myself to the unknown. You have promised that my trust in You will be rewarded. How I hope that my faith tugs at Your heart today. 

I am affirming again that I trust You. I will not look back at some of the bridges that were burned as I crossed over into unchartered territory. I obeyed You and You burned them. But in a weak moment, I see a few bridges that are left. I could go back to where it feels safe and I will admit that this is a great temptation.  But I know the cost. To go where it is familiar, I must let go of Your hand.

I do not know all that You are planning. I could fear but I choose faith. When I could faint, I speak Your promises. When it's dark and feels like the end, I know You are still carving out a new road. Your plans for me are good. You said, "Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." (Isa 43:19) In this, Lord, You excel. You are my God and there is none other. Amen”

Holding on tight…

Dawn

Our choice..

Today, we have a choice. Every day, we have a choice...many choices, actually, but ultimately the choice we’re faced with each morning when we wake up is this:  are we going to live today for ourselves or are we going to live for Christ?   I wish I could tell you that it’s a ‘no-brainer’ for me each morning and that I bound out of bed, anxious to serve my family with a smile, ready to conquer the day making decisions with ‘what would Jesus do’ as my mantra, pleasing Him all day long.  I would love to be that person!  But I'm not.  In 37 years I think I may have “bounded” out of bed twice… ok, maybe once.  I have great intentions but being the night owl that I am, mornings tend to be a struggle for me anyway. 
One recent morning, I decided to get up early and make apple cinnamon mini-muffins with fresh blueberries instead of offering everyone cereal or instant grits or oatmeal before school/work…  I just knew everyone was going to be appreciative… they smelled so good and the blueberries were perfect - not too tart or too ripe - perfect…  I took them out of the oven at just the right time. 

They looked great and they smelled great!  As I was putting them on a plate I was smiling and singing and then I heard this behind me, “UHhhh, I don’t like mine with blueberries”… “Did you make any without blueberries???”… “I only like imitation blueberries, not the real ones”…  I kid you not… not a single one of the 4 people I got up extra early for was grateful for my going over and beyond……… at that point I could live for Jesus or live for Dawn… uh huh........  yep...

We all have situations where we choose to interact or react every day.  If you’re like me, some days you do a great job of living for Christ, loving others and serving, too, but some days you might also be like me and fail miserably. 
Lately, everywhere I go I get messages about love…  the command to love, the power of love, the meaning of love, etc, etc.  I think when we chose to love we are choosing to live for Christ.  Last week before Caleb left for school one morning, he wanted to show me something that was in his devotion book.  He said, “Read this part, Mom”.  It was 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 from The Message version of the Bible.  It says this, “If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.  If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing.  If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere.  So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.”  I read it and then he smiled and said, “I didn’t know that was in the Bible… I just thought it was a song we hear all the time on the radio.”  (If you'd like to hear it, too, click here: The Proof of Your Love)  

Truth be told, I want to live for Jesus in ALL I say and do but in reality when I am pushed for the 22^nd time (or just after the 2nd time some days) I tend to want to push back, especially if the person pushing is not on my 'favorites' list.  I want to love instead of being the creaky, rusty gate but my heart aches when I try to love the unlovable and get nothing pleasant in return.  I want to believe that those around us want what's best for us instead of seeking closeness for their gain.  Simply put, I want to love and be loved back.  Here's the thing... when I am loving with the hopes of receiving love from others sometimes I get that love back and sometimes I don't.  But when I am seeking existence in that love or significance or a reason to keep loving based on what I get in return from those around me, I am setting myself up for heartbreak.  My source, my significance, my assurance, my returned love is always there... but it's ONLY ALWAYS there in Christ.  He never returns love with evil.  His mercies are new every morning and his compassions never fail!  (Lamentations 3:22-23)  He loves me even when I am unlovable... even when I push away or try to push Him away.  His love pursues me past the point of my submission.  He is in constant, relentless pursuit of me(and you, too)...  ALWAYS!  

Oswald Chambers said in My Utmost for His Highest, "The underlying foundation of the Christian faith is the undeserved, limitless miracle of the love of God that was exhibited on the Cross...a love that is not earned and can never be.  ...the experiences of life, whether they are everyday events or terrifying ones, are powerless to "separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 8:39).  That's a reason I should choose Christ, a reason I want to choose Christ.  I was created to love Him and thrive in Him.  Those who love me here on earth are the gravy...  they are the icing on the cake... they are the added blessings in my life and while I am extremely grateful for them, I know that the perfect love I crave can only be found in Christ.    

How can I come to the end of me and my desires and still have ALL I need?  Because at the end of me, I find Him... the Him who is true love!   "We love because He first loved us" (1 John 4:19).  His love for us didn't end after the Resurrection.  His love is unfailing every day.  His love knows no limits and His love, loves the unlovable every time!  I'm not going to get it right every day.  I may not even get it right today but I am choosing to try and live/love for Him.     

BTW, I may or may not have smiled and agreed to make the mini-muffins with no blueberries next time …  J

Reflecting... WOW, God...

“The true character of the loveliness that speaks for God is always unnoticed by the one possessing that quality.  Who are people who have influenced us most?  …those who did not have even the slightest idea that they were influencing us.  We always know when Jesus is at work because He produces in the commonplace something that is inspiring.”  (Oswald Chambers)

We will probably never be able to express how grateful we are for all that was done for us through the LifeBridge Barbecue Benefit but we pray that each one who contributed (whether it was time, money, or items, etc) will be blessed by the One who knows it all!  We have really been influenced by the outpouring of your love!  God has blessed us, indeed!

Here are a few photos that different people took throughout the event weekend… feel free to share yours if you have more!  J 

Potato Salad, anyone??? :)

Prep work...

Seasoning! 

Set-up...

"Got tickets?"

"Dear God, thank you so much for all who gave!"

Kylie says 'thank you'! 

YUMMMMM!!!!!

Pulling pork before the sun comes up!

The 'wee' early hours...

Some great cooks!!

Another great cook!!

What a crew!

Almost time!!!

'By Faith' booth by Eli & the Thurman family

"Flip-flops for orphans" (from McHenry Baptist Church) booth being set-up

Face Painting!

The band, "Southern Flair", played!

The SnoBiz penguin!!!

Our young recruiters!

 

The CIRCLE drive-thru! :)  Genius volunteers!!

It's Almost BBQ Time!!!

WOW!!  It's almost time!  I am overwhelmed.... I am so excited... I am unable to sleep (and for those of you who know me well, you know I LOVE some sleep)... I am overwhelmed at HOW HE LOVES us!

Today is a big day!  It's a HUGE day!!!  Today is the day that our family at LifeBridge Church is hosting a Barbecue Benefit in our honor.  I am convinced only God could orchestrate something as big as this!  We are grateful for EVERY hand that has organized & publicized this event!  People made signs, made t-shirts, bought t-shirts, made bracelets, made flip-flops, purchased items, dropped off items, sorted items, set up tents, moved tables, donated food, prepared food, cooked food (some cooked ALL night last night), donated a bounce house, donated a SNOBIZ booth and snow cones, gathered materials for face painting, and on and on and on...........

So many have given of their time (some have given LOTS of time) and we are extremely grateful!  Some of the people that have freely given are people I still don't know, which blows me away!!...  some, I met last night.. some, I hope to meet today and some, I know I may never meet!  WOW, ONLY YOU, GOD!  Your love never fails!!!  

It's hard to believe - whether I see it happening in person or see pictures of 'behind the scenes' - I still cannot seem to grasp how big this thing has gotten..... There will be a LIVE band today at the event, we'll have a face painting booth, flip-flops and prayer bracelets for sale, a bounce house for the kids & food galore from 11-4pm today!  When I picked the kids up from school yesterday, I was telling them about all that will be going on today and Caleb said, "Mom, I cannot believe that God let all these people understand what we are doing and then they are doing so much for us!  This is SOOOOO cool!" (My thoughts exactly!)

Saying thank you seems so inadequate...  we are inspired!  We are encouraged!  We are being fueled to continue this dream that we have been given!!!  We pray that God will bless each person that has given on our behalf!  If you're in town, we hope you will stop by so we can hug your neck and say thank you in person!

Steady..

Sherry, you’d be proud of me… I’ve done some major 'feeling' this week! L $%#^!@&^*$! J

I’m sick of feeling, honestly, but if I learned one thing in recovery years ago with my precious friend Sherry it’s that the more I deal with the feelings, pain and all, the less it has me consumed/controlled and the better off I’ll be!  So, while there’s lots I’d STILL rather keep hidden, especially from those I feel I am supposed to impress, I know that spewing every now and then is necessary…and it’s good. 

I’ve lived several days in denial over the last couple of months regarding the hard days that are here and those that are still to come.  I admit it…  I don’t like painful situations and I chose to take the good and leave the bad for later.  Unfortunately, the bad is not just future junk.  I’ve not done myself any favors by just embracing the good on this journey and leaving the not-so-good by the wayside as a coping mechanism.  God blessed me with another friend who forced me out of that denial this week.  (sigh)  Thanks, I think… ha!  Would I sign up for the hell I felt this week and do it again if given the opportunity?  Ummm, no…absolutely not BUT today I am grateful!  I certainly didn’t see the last few days as a blessing in the midst but I know that God is working ALL things for my good!  My journey doesn’t end here... with the hard stuff.  In Proverbs we are promised that “..weeping may remain for a night but joy comes in the morning.”  I tend to want to argue time frames with God when it’s been multiple “nights” but then He says in His word that a day is like a thousand years and a thousand years is like a day.  J  I trust you, God, but I'm really hoping to forego the thousand years thing!   

Today, my heart is steady and I’m thankful!  I’m thankful for those surrounding me with love WHILE I spew.  I’m thankful for the love notes I’ve received the last 24 hours and I’m thankful that while my friends have their own junk going on, they take time out to check on me and mine.  I’m thankful for the one who took care of & loved on my girls yesterday when I couldn’t hold my composure and just needed to melt.  I’m thankful for the references of Ps 66 and 1 Cor 4:16-18 and for the precious ones who sent them!  I’m thankful that my good looking mate gives me space to melt and doesn’t require of me when I have nothing to give-loving me through and through.  I’m thankful for my 3 beautiful children that each love me differently but completely!  I’m thankful that even though I’m 37 years old my parents don’t hold back the support and affirmations they know I need when I am struggling!  Getting personal messages from my Mama or my Daddy when they sense something is wrong never gets old.  I’m thankful that I belong to Jesus!  We are told that we will endure pain and suffering here in this broken, sinful world but He never fails to show me uniquely that He’s there even in those times.  His love is like no other!  His love is fierce, it’s deep and it’s wide and it’s furious!  It’s strong, it’s sweet and it’s wild!  It covers me AND my crappy days!  It is overwhelming and it satisfies!  It’s not an immediate fix or a pain reliever, necessarily, but it is lasting!  He offers hope!  Proverbs 13:12 says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”  He created us to be full, I believe that!  Remember my post, “I’m Pregnant”?  I shared an old journal entry where I had recorded this…:

“His purpose for our trials is often to bring us humbly before Him to experience a breaking in our inner, independent self-sufficient selves and grow us up into compassionate, patient, spiritually strong, God-glorifying people. He uses these situations to teach us how to trust that He loves and cares for us enough to get us through the tough times.”

Also, God told the prophet Habakkuk, “The vision is yet for an appointed time…Though it tarries, wait for it” in Habakkuk 2:3.  I trust that He has a purpose for all my days, even the ones I’d like to skip.  And so I will wait in hopeful expectation of what is to come…

Necessary roughness...

I just thought I was “Rattled” Monday…  however, I was totally unprepared for today.  My heart is broken and I’m angry and I’m hurt and I’m tired.  After praying for years and years for healthy friendships I find that I’m very blessed to have so many that I can really depend on.  Tonight after going through my “rolodex” of friends I imagined unfolding to several.  I prayed about who to fall into and despite the sincere offers from many I was left with this:  there’s no one… no one- that is- that gets it… no one that understands this heartache… no one that can fully comprehend… no one except for the One… God.  While there’s a pertinent reason for that I still wonder why I tend to treat Him as a last resort so many times?  I suppose it’s because I can’t physically see Him (in human form)… He can’t physically hold me… He can’t vocally remind me that this is just temporary and that’s hard when I want immediate relief. 
I trust that He will put the pieces back together but I don’t see how.  I am stumped & struggling to put one foot in front of the other.  I haven’t wanted to stop until now… 

I’m one of those “fortunate” people that’s experienced more than my fair share of dental work over the years.  One of the times that I had an extensive amount of dental work done (dental work that went wrong but that’s not the point), I remember the dentist stopping in the middle of the procedure to take a break so that the trauma to my mouth wouldn’t be too much all at once.  Today I found myself begging for one of those breaks… “it’s too much, God…  please ease up and let my heart catch up”.  There was total disconnect between my head and my heart.

Sacrifice is hard.  Sacrifice is not for the weak.  Sacrifice doesn’t ease up.  Sacrifice bites.  BUT.. Sacrifice is what I said I’d do.  Sacrifice is necessary for my growth.  Sacrifice is necessary for better things.  Sacrifice is necessary for others to experience the kind of relationship that I’ve found with no ONE other than Him.

God, you’ve brought me too far to let me go now.   I am not who I used to be.  I’ve come too far to throw in the towel.  You are not through with me yet.  I will continue to run this race, all the while asking for endurance & trusting that you will be faithful to complete the work YOU have begun.  Thank you that you are ever faithful even when I am not. (“If we are unfaithful, he remains faithful, for he cannot deny who he is” 2 Tim2:13). 

“So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.  You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For in just a very little while, ‘He who is coming will come and will not delay. But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him.’ But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.” Hebrews 10:35-39

Another chapter..

Kylie has waited and waited and waited...  

           

Our little chatterbox didn't say a word last night at MSE...  she was in rare form!  :)  When asked a question she just nodded and grinned. 

She got to meet her teachers for Kindergarten and she even got a "goodie bag" which fueled the excitement just a tad. 

Caleb's teacher was so excited to see him, too.  

He met her last year since she helped fill in for his teacher in 3rd grade at the end of the year.  

Kinley didn't quite understand why we never went to "her" classroom but Caleb & Kylie's teachers were so sweet to give her candy and told her she was welcome to come sit in any day. :)

And so a new chapter begins..... and I only cried a little...

Rattled with a battle...

Today, I am feeling overwhelmed… I am stuck in the middle of some crappy battles and struggling with some decisions.  I haven’t been able to write much over the last month since we’ve traveled a good bit and there are a million other things I have on my list for today but I’m breaking for writing… all the while PRAYING for some solace while I do so.  There are so many things I want to accomplish and so many things I need to accomplish before we depart for Haiti full-time.  Some things I’m excited about but then, too, I’d rather deliver another baby with no epidural before having to do some of the others… 
Today, in the midst of ‘normal’ daily chores and sorting (things we will need in Haiti, things we cannot take to Haiti, things we will sell, things we will donate, etc., etc.) I just want to retreat… I’m a mess and I know it.  This morning I read this: “..when we’re surrounded by the demands, needs and agendas of others we can get spiritually depleted. And when that happens, we begin operating in the energy of the flesh.”  I can totally sense the pull for operating in my flesh today and while I don’t want to, I’m slipping.  I know this because things that wouldn’t ordinarily bother me are bothering me.. REALLY bothering me.  The last several days have been packed with emotions… great ones and not so great ones.  I know that things are a bigger deal when we’re tired and that after a 'high', there’s usually a 'low'.  We’ve had lots of ‘highs’ lately so maybe that contributes to a big ‘low’.  I don’t know but it’s times like these that I wish we could speed this process up and just go.. just skip over the 'last times' and the 'goodbyes' and the mandatory search for someone to love/house my pets (which I just cannot bring myself to do yet).. oh, to just blink or twitch my nose and it all be done.  BLAH!  I've said before that if the preparation doesn’t kill us, we'll certainly sail through the actual move… well, I'm definitely feeling that way lately. 
ICK... I've typed and then I've erased… what if they don't want to hear that?  what if my being real/transparent makes our family look bad?  what if they think we're shallow or what if we sound selfish?  what if.. what if... what if...  I know....... I still struggle with what others are thinking way too much, knowing that the only one I should be concerned with is Christ.  I don’t want to be perceived as ungrateful for all that’s being done for us in light of our move---we are completely in awe of such servant hearts surrounding us---and I don’t want to come across as complaining, either--there are others we love going through some really trying things right now.  I’m fighting some flesh, for sure!
Ugh... I’m just going to close and ask you to pray.  Please pray for our family… for unity, for protection, for peace.  We started “circle time” on the first of August as a family.  It’s not a lengthy time, just a time when we each tell God what’s on our hearts that day while holding hands in a circle in our kitchen.  We even take turns circling the day on the calendar after we complete our circle time for that day. J As much as I love hearing these little prayers going up each day, I know that our enemy is outraged and wants to knock us off course.  I'm feeling like I'm having to get back up more than I'm standing today so will you pray with us??
    
P.S. Several of you have said that you’ve tried to leave a note for us in the comments section but that it wouldn’t allow you to post here on the blog.  I think the issue is now fixed so try again if you want to by typing your comment and then select “OpenID” or “Name/URL” under the ‘comment as:’ drop down and then hit ‘publish’.  Then, John and I can both get the message you want to leave. 
P.S.S.  Thank you!