Where you are is where I am home...

So today is my weepy day apparently… L

Maybe it’s because today is my sweet Winston’s birthday and I’m missing it for the first time in 15 years.

Maybe it’s because I don’t feel all that great today and I have nowhere to go to be alone.  Maybe it’s selfishness and the desire for some familiar comforts.  Maybe it’s discontentment because we don’t have a vehicle and our list of needed items keeps growing.  Maybe it’s pride because I’m tired of having to ask for things I need instead of being able to go get them myself.  Maybe it’s because ‘our’ new home is still not ‘put together’ the way I wish it was.  Maybe it’s because I give all day long every day and I just need to be still and fill up on God, myself.  Maybe it’s a combination of all of it or maybe it’s just because I am tired.  Maybe I’m just hormonal!

Whatever it is, I’m grateful that God accepts and loves me even on the weepy days.  I’m grateful that I don’t have to be ‘put together’ to approach my Father that already knows how I am feeling before I even confess it.  I’m grateful that He is enough when others (and even I) let me down.  I’m grateful that I can fall apart whether I have my own secret place to do in it or not.  I’m grateful that my ears can hear the sweet voices singing “How Great Thou Art” from the school this morning.  I’m grateful that all of my children have food to eat each day whether it’s what they want or not.  I’m grateful that although I miss my pets so bad I ache, I can take comfort in knowing they are being loved on tremendously and taken care of by some awesome family and friends!  I’m grateful that we have a place to call home whether it belongs to us or not.  I’m also grateful for the family who so graciously opened up this home for us!  I’m grateful that although I’m not sure when I’ll get to see my family again that I HAVE family who loves me and prays for me daily. 

Oh God, heal my heart and make it clean!  Open my eyes to be able to see the things unseen.  Show me how to love like you love me…quickly, please…I’m empty…

Continue to break my heart, Lord, for those around me so that I will keep moving to do your will.  Everything I am and everything I have is yours.  Help me continue to surrender myself even on these less-than days.  Give me fresh perspective through my tears.  There is great healing in these tears, I know.  You’ve proved that over and over again. 

Thank you for not only hearing my requests but inviting me to bring them to you.  Let me feel again what it is to be held… to know that your promise was when everything fell, You’d be here to hold me.  Tear down the walls that I’ve constructed.  Refuel my hope, God.  When I feel and remember the things that were torn from my life, help me dwell on what I’ve gained and not on what I’ve lost.  Remind me, O God, what you called me here for.  Enlighten the eyes of my heart today.  Thank you that you “WILL keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast because he trusts in You.” (Isa 26:3) 

“O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you HAVE done marvelous things, things planned long ago.” Isa 25:1     

Thank you, God, for the parentless that walk through this gate yelling, “Mommeeeeee…where’s Doddeee????”  And for the sweet sponges that want to learn more English so they can talk to us in our own language!  Oh, God, thank you for bringing me here even though I miss the comforts of home.  Thank you for allowing me to feel!  Thank you for the love notes I still find in my Bible!  Thank you for the handwritten notes from home..for the reminder from my sweet nephew that you said in Philippians 4, “And my God will supply ALL your needs in His riches in Christ Jesus”. 

For your nearness, Lord, I hunger!  In your nearness there is healing… restoration in it’s fullest.  Oh, God, be near today!  Nearer, Lord!  I need to keep hearing from You… Your fullness is mine… “How you have helped the powerless!  How you have saved the arm that is feeble!  What advice you have offered to one without wisdom!  And what great insight you have displayed!” Job 26:2,3  Thank you that I can claim words written thousands of years ago as my own!  Thank you that I belong to you, apart from the things I do and the thoughts I think.  Thank you that your love is such a love I can’t escape!

You are gracious, Lord!  Every hour I need you!  In joy and in pain, I need you.  Bless me now, my Saviour, as I come to You… I praise you that temptations lose their power when you are near.  Take this heart -so often of stone- and make it yours, God!  I delight myself in the riches that are Yours, trading ALL that I have for all that is better.  Please accept my garment of praise, take my heaviness, God.  You are the greatest… you’re the richest!  You are so much better, God, than anything I know as good!

Thank you that although I crave alone time, I am never really lonely!  You are the God of love and you sent your one and only Son to be with me at all times and in all places!  May I NEVER downplay that!  I am never lost no matter how far I am from the home I’ve always known.  Thank you that wherever we live on this earth it’s only temporary because you are preparing a place so much greater than we can imagine in our eternal home with you!

“I’ll stride freely through wide open spaces as I look for your truth and your wisdom.” Psalm 119:45