Pioneer Woman

I confess.....
A pioneer woman, I do not claim to be.

(pause)

(sigh)

(smiles)

Did you know that it takes anywhere from 3 to 5 hours to make an average meal here in Haiti?  I'm not talking, "cooking for the holidays type meal" but rice, beans, and a couple of veggies (add another hour if you are cooking chicken or beef).  If you are a seasoned Haitian woman with experience then you can probably knock out a simple meal in about 2 or 3 hours.  But for this less-than-seasoned-yet-determined-and-currently-learning-to-cook-in-Haiti woman, it is a long..long..long.....long................ long process.

Until about 5 weeks ago, we had a helper that shopped for us in the open market (since the prices immediately go up when we shop for ourselves) and she cooked our evening meals 6 nights a week.  We had some problems over the last few months and had to make some changes so currently we feel like we are starting all over again in some ways as we are learning how to cook and shop locally.  Occasionally we can find American spaghetti sauce along with canned tuna and even some Pringles at the store in Cap Haitien and we always try to keep local peanut butter on hand but you can only do so much with those when it comes time for meals.  And the people who live here with me (and 7-10 other warm bodies that come hungry each day)  seem to want to eat EVERY day so skipping a day isn't really an option, I'm finding.  (smiles)

We might be lacking in several food groups but what we are not lacking here in Haiti is rice and beans.  Black beans, pinto beans, pwa (don't know the name of it in English) and some other beans...  You get the idea...  there are lots of beans and rice here.  You may think I was exaggerating when I said before that we eat rice and beans everyday but it is the truth.  In some form or fashion, we have them every.. single.. day.  So.......guess what I prepared to make first..... uh huh...

I soaked a million dry beans overnight so they would take less time to cook the next day.  Pretty smart, right?  Ha!  I "googled" ideas for preparation (with ingredients I had access to).  I washed the rice, I washed the beans (yes, even after they had soaked) and drained them, I picked out the bad grains/beans.  I sliced onions, I cut garlic and hand chopped it (I have since asked my mom to send me my Pampered Chef garlic press!), I boiled water and on and on.......

I stirred, I watched, I cleaned, I stirred some more, I prayed, and I stirred some more.

Things started to smell really good and I got excited!  4 hours later everything still smelled really good BUT the beans were not soft.....

Sigh, again.......

I stirred some more, I added some more seasoning, I prayed some more....

Meanwhile, short people were starting to pace and openly speak of how hungry they were.

Another hour went by and I started to fret.....

Mezami!  (that's Creole for 'dadd-gumm-it' or 'oh my goodness' or 'good grief' or 'crap')

I mean seriously, I knew not to expect it to be ready in an hour or two but 5 hours later.... come on!!!!

I apologized and we improvised and ate something else (though not always desired, corn flakes and bread and peanut butter are always a trusty back-up).

While sitting at the table I said, "Well, at least we'll have something to eat tomorrow."  That's about the time that Cabila told me that Haitians use something to speed up the cooking process.......something that shaves off a couple of hours......

Yep, I could have cried.....

Boys..........the same attention to detail no matter the cultural background..... God love 'em!


This whole experience made me think about life struggles in general.  We set out to do something and then all of a sudden things don't go as we had planned.  I'll be the first to admit that many days I am tempted to give up on some people or the possibility of seeing change for the good, etc. but it's at that point that I have to determine whether I will keep going or give up.

We didn't have the dinner I had planned that night several weeks ago but we did have some good beans and rice the next day (Cabila actually ate them later that evening and again the next day!) :).  If I had thrown it all out because it wasn't ready when I wanted it to be ready then all that work would have been for nothing and we wouldn't have been any better off the next day than we were that day.  Throwing out the food before it's ready to eat seems silly but how many times do we do "throw out" under other circumstances?

When God doesn't "come through" when we want him to, do we keep believing or do we anxiously take the matter into our own hands, declaring that we know what's best?  And then blame God when things still don't work out...

When our spouse does that one thing that they know we can't stand (not once but twice in the same day) do we blurt out ultimatums or do we admit frustration and offer grace?

When our boss fails to deliver on a promise he made do we slack on our job to "get him back" or do we continue to work to the best of our ability no matter the pay off?

When our children make the 1200th mess of the day do we scream and tell them how irresponsible they are or do we assure them that we all make mistakes and suggest they try to be more careful next time?

I would love to say that I respond in the appropriate manner when faced with issues of any kind but that would mean I'm less than human.  This last year has been incredible but in so many ways some of the past 12 months has been some of the hardest months of my life.

Some relationships have dissolved while others have flourished.  Some truths have hurt but have made our ministry stronger.  Some ways we've handled projects here have worked well and some have proved less than productive.  We've taken on and succeeded at jobs we never thought possible but we've also failed a lot and learned new ways to do things.  We've lost trust and respect for some individuals but we've gained that much more trust and respect for our God.

So, while I am no pioneer woman, I can say that I am a determined woman:

    Determined to hang on to what I know to be true in times of uncertainty and trials.

    Determined to go out on a limb if that's where God is leading me even when I'd rather 'play it safe'.

    Determined to praise my God even if it means doing so through tears and screams some days.

    Determined to depend on the One capable of carrying me when I can't go any further.

    Determined to learn how to love those that just really aren't so lovable.

    Determined to keep dreaming when situations look hopeless.

    Determined to try to be a better parent tomorrow than I was today.

    Determined to keep believing.

"Look at a stone cutter hammering away at his rock, 
perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it.  
Yet at the hundred-and-first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not the last blow that did it, but all that had gone before." ~Jacob A. Riis