20 questions...

When I pray, “God, break my heart for what breaks yours”, do I mean it when He really breaks my heart?

Have you ever benefited from someone else’s pain?

Has your pain ever benefited someone else?

How do you feel about being used, whether it’s for good or not?

How many times have I cried out for God to take an issue only to grab it back and try to make sense of it myself?

Does anyone else feel like you’re trying to hear the whispers of God above the shouting of man?

Do I trust that I am right where I am supposed to be regardless of the trials?

Am I willing to go through the valley instead of looking for ways around it?

Do I believe that less of Me and more of Him is where I really find true self-esteem?

Have I learned to be content no matter my circumstances and surroundings?

Am I able to extend the very grace that I wish to have extended to me?

When I’m ready to cave, do I remember the blessing I have asked for?

Am I placing myself in the higher position if I should dare to tell God that He’s not allowed to ‘go there’?

Do I believe I am alone in my trials?

Could it be that I don’t really trust that He has the best plan if I keep trying to go around the obstacle He’s asked me to go through?

Is it possible to have more than I need when I come to the end of me?

Does He love me in spite of my shortcomings?

Do I believe the words when I sing that His “grace is enough”?

Is He my ‘Everything’?  

If not, am I ready for Him to be?

While my mind swirls with these questions and so many more lately, there's no question about the fact that God uses music/lyrics to speak to me.  This morning I am reminded of an older song:

     The pathway is broken and the signs are unclear.  

     And I don't know the reason why You brought me here.

     But just because You love me the way that You do,

     I'm gonna walk through the valley if You want me to.

     Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first step

     And I'm clinging to the promise --You're not through with me yet.

     So if all of these trials bring me closer to You,

     then I WILL go through the fire if you want me to.

     It may not be the way I would have chosen. 

     Well, You lead me through a world that's not my home.

     But You never said it would be easy.

     You only said I'll never go alone.

     So when the whole world turns against me and I'm all by myself

     And I can't hear You answer my cries for help,

     I'll remember the suffering Your love put YOU through

     And I will go through the valley if You want me to.

Today, I don't feel as though I am alone but over the last month I've fought those feelings for sure.  Maybe whatever you are going through has left you feeling like you are alone, too.  1 Peter 5:6-9 says, "Humble yourselves under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings." 

Everyone has a cross to bear--everyone has a story--everyone has wounds that need healing.  I am not alone and neither are you. Sometimes that might be the only thing we can give thanks for but it's definitely a start.    

It's hard to see clearly in the middle of difficult, painful times but thankfully God doesn't leave us in the 'fog'.  When we seek God, we find Him (Deut 4:29, I Chr 28:9) and when we praise Him regardless of the situation, we gain clarity and understanding.  This is why He tells us to give thanks in all circumstances (Eph 5:20).  "Thankfulness takes the sting out of adversity.  There is an element of mystery in this transaction: You give Me thanks (regardless of your feelings), and I give you Joy (regardless of your circumstances).  This is a spiritual act of obedience-at times, blind obedience.  To people who don't know Me intimately, it can seem irrational and even impossible to thank Me for heartrending hardships.  Nonetheless, those who obey Me in this way are invariably blessed, even though difficulties may remain. Thankfulness opens your heart to My Presence and your mind to My thoughts. You may still be in the same place, with the same set of circumstances, but it is as if a light has been switched on, enabling you to see from My perspective.  It is the Light of My Presence that removes the sting from adversity." (from Sarah Young in Jesus Calling)

If you read Praise & Petitions a couple of weeks ago then you may remember me quoting this, "If you are going to be used by God, He will take you through a number of experiences that are not meant for you personally at all.  They are designed to make you useful in His hands, and to enable you to understand what takes place in the lives of others." No one enjoys being used...really...whether it's for the betterment of ourselves or someone else.  Being used is not comfortable but when I gave my life to Christ I agreed with my mouth that I no longer belong to myself and as I walk this commitment out, I acknowledge that my actions and my life have to mirror my words.  Being used is part of laying down my life for the good of my God.  I can tell Him I'm available and I can ask Him to use me but when He begins the "plan of action" I tend to want to argue that He should intervene and make things easier for me and mine.  This way of thinking is about me and not about God at all.  

As Jennifer Rothschild pointed out in a devotional today, "When a big "I" is the center of our thoughts and feelings, we truly are miserable!  Perhaps that's because "I" is also in the center of pride and sin.  Jesus said in John 12:24 that, "...unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone."  Alone is a miserable place to be.  "But," Christ continued, "if it dies, it bears much fruit." The principle is this: when it is all about us, we are like the seed that is unwilling to die.  Consequently, we find ourselves alone in the prison of our own self-awareness.  But, when we are willing to turn our big "I" into a little "I", we are then ready to experience real life, satisfying life."

God's way of dealing with things that happen may seem like the strangest way but I am learning the beauty of contentment in the midst of the ashes.  Have I arrived at complete contentment?  No, but I am striving.  I am on the path and every step of the way God is proving He is trustworthy and that His love is unfailing (Ps 107:8,9,15,16,21,31).  

While my faith is being stretched, I take joy in knowing I don't have to take leaps, just one step at a time.  Martin Luther King, Jr. said, "Take the first step in faith.  You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step." 

        **God, when I am tempted to believe that your grace is not enough, may I be reminded that all of you is indeed enough for all of me (2 Cor 12:9)!  When I am wronged and want to scream and yell in the midst of unfairness, I will claim your promises that You are known by YOUR justice (Ps 10:16).  When I am tempted to take situations into my own hands desiring justice, continue to remind me that you are working ALL things for my good, even what man may mean as harm (Rom 8:28).  I love you and I thank you for not giving up on me, ever!  Less of me... more of you... (John 3:30)