Forever loved, never forgotten…

Not an issue I thought we were going to have to deal with…  I thought she was fine… she was the one I worried about the least…  not because I didn’t love her but because she was fine and her future seemed secure… she was happy… she was pampered… she was… fine…

She loved my mom and my mom loved her so it seemed like a no-brainer that as we prepared to leave for Haiti that Sophie would go and live with her “grandparents”, Mammaw & Jolly…

In the attempt to make a smooth transition, we opted for Sophie to go home with my parents at the end of August.  I knew that I wouldn’t be able to part with all of our pets at once so I planned to stagger the goodbyes.  It seemed like the right thing to do.  

Every time Mammaw and Jolly came to visit, all the kids got excited- even the furry ones!!!  We have joked for years that Sophie was ‘Mom’s dog’ because she immediately attached herself to Mammaw as soon as she walked in the door here.  There were many tears shed but I knew we’d all be ok because we knew that Sophie was going to be happy there. 

I got the news early this morning that Sophie passed away during the night last night.  She died from kidney failure.  She would’ve been 5 at the first of the year so we know it wasn’t due to age.  The best we can tell, according to the vet that took care of her, is that she had a bacterial infection that progressed and she went into kidney failure.   

February would have been 5 years since we rescued Sophie.  

My heart hurts knowing she is gone for good.  

My heart hurts for my Mom as I know she loved this dog as I did and I know they had a special bond.

  

My heart hurts as I think about how I will tell our children that she's gone and my heart is in turmoil -once again- regarding the future of our 3 remaining furry kids once we depart in January. 

`````God, how can I proceed with the goodbyes???  It’s in You and only You that this will be possible…`````

I went through a period of distancing myself from my pets hoping that it would help in the separation that is to come.  It hurt to hold them close knowing the days were numbered so I kept busy and did just what had to be done… fed them, let them out, let them in, bathed them, etc, etc, etc.  This didn’t last long because I couldn’t ignore the eyes, the purrs, the barks, etc… I gave in and I resolved to make the most of every day that I have left with them.  I still can't bring myself to make the "announcement" that I need homes for my babies... not that I am oblivious to the fact that time is running out but because I physically haven't been able to bring myself to face the "interviewing" process.  I don't want to find homes for them because I don't want their homes to be anywhere but where they are... with me...  facing this death and this shock is hard.  I KNOW God's plans are better, his ways are better ALL THE TIME as I stated in last week's posts...  but it doesn't mean they are easy to digest all the time.  

Please pray today for our family, both immediate and extended as we grieve this loss and seek to embrace the losses that are imminent.  

I do not regret our decision to let Sophie go and be with my Mom & Dad.  I know she had a fabulous last 2 months being pampered and loved on there!  I do hate that they had to be the ones to see her go downhill this past week but God is faithful.  I thank God for these parents who walk beside us through the good and the bad... who love with us and grieve with us, all the while trusting and leaning on the fact that God is working the best for each of us!

Just before talking with the vet this morning and receiving the news, I saw this...

I feel much like this torn leaf but I continue to be amazed at His presence wherever I am and His constant reminders that He loves me!  Oh, how He loves me and how He is drawing me closer to Him more and more everyday.