Necessary roughness...

I just thought I was “Rattled” Monday…  however, I was totally unprepared for today.  My heart is broken and I’m angry and I’m hurt and I’m tired.  After praying for years and years for healthy friendships I find that I’m very blessed to have so many that I can really depend on.  Tonight after going through my “rolodex” of friends I imagined unfolding to several.  I prayed about who to fall into and despite the sincere offers from many I was left with this:  there’s no one… no one- that is- that gets it… no one that understands this heartache… no one that can fully comprehend… no one except for the One… God.  While there’s a pertinent reason for that I still wonder why I tend to treat Him as a last resort so many times?  I suppose it’s because I can’t physically see Him (in human form)… He can’t physically hold me… He can’t vocally remind me that this is just temporary and that’s hard when I want immediate relief. 
I trust that He will put the pieces back together but I don’t see how.  I am stumped & struggling to put one foot in front of the other.  I haven’t wanted to stop until now… 

I’m one of those “fortunate” people that’s experienced more than my fair share of dental work over the years.  One of the times that I had an extensive amount of dental work done (dental work that went wrong but that’s not the point), I remember the dentist stopping in the middle of the procedure to take a break so that the trauma to my mouth wouldn’t be too much all at once.  Today I found myself begging for one of those breaks… “it’s too much, God…  please ease up and let my heart catch up”.  There was total disconnect between my head and my heart.

Sacrifice is hard.  Sacrifice is not for the weak.  Sacrifice doesn’t ease up.  Sacrifice bites.  BUT.. Sacrifice is what I said I’d do.  Sacrifice is necessary for my growth.  Sacrifice is necessary for better things.  Sacrifice is necessary for others to experience the kind of relationship that I’ve found with no ONE other than Him.

God, you’ve brought me too far to let me go now.   I am not who I used to be.  I’ve come too far to throw in the towel.  You are not through with me yet.  I will continue to run this race, all the while asking for endurance & trusting that you will be faithful to complete the work YOU have begun.  Thank you that you are ever faithful even when I am not. (“If we are unfaithful, he remains faithful, for he cannot deny who he is” 2 Tim2:13). 

“So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.  You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For in just a very little while, ‘He who is coming will come and will not delay. But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him.’ But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.” Hebrews 10:35-39