20 days since we arrived in Haiti…
THE day I lost my ‘holdin-it-togetherness’…
The onset wasn’t due to the fact that I miss my family and my pets and
my peeps back home (although I do miss them terribly)…
It wasn’t because we ran out of water for bucket showers today since
the officials haven’t felt like turning it on in the community the last couple
of days…
It wasn’t because at least one of us has been sick every day for the
last 7 days…
It wasn’t because privacy seems to be something I can only remember
from time past…
It wasn’t because 95% of the people that I’m surrounded by can’t
understand a word I say…
It wasn’t even because I’ve killed
more bugs in the last 20 days than I’ve seen
in 37 years!
No, while I could argue that all of the above collectively are
legitimate reasons for the tears to flow, tonight I lost it due to the fact
that one more time we had to send hungry children away… STILL hungry.
As we sat on the porch working on a puzzle, there were at least 7 kids
on the porch with us (which is normal).
Then we noticed 3 more that had made their way into the gate. I recognized the little boy. He is quite vocal and he is outside the gate
almost every morning asking for something… shoes, clothes, food, water,
etc. Then I also recognized one of the little girls,
as well. She was with him at the gate once before when he asked me to take their “foto”. Here is the photograph from over a week ago…
Tonight, he was still wearing the same shirt… 11 days later... Not just a coincident…
Neither of the girls had a shirt on, making their extended tummies very
visible. Both had what looked like
hernias at their belly buttons and their skinny frame with large protruding
tummies, along with the red tint to the smallest girl's hair, were tale-tell signs that they
were severely malnourished. Someone
yelled and told them to go but they kept standing there. The boy said something to John and before I
could see what he was asking for, I asked John how we could give them food... not if but how...
We had this same conversation last week… see, it’s not an option for us
to just go to the gate and give them food.
For our own safety, we can’t give things away at the gate. We already have people (both children and
adults) standing at the gate every day asking for something…anything. They come wanting our trash, even. While I was unpacking one day I watched as a
lady sent her tiny son in to grab some paper out of our trash pile. They take cardboard boxes to use as
shelter. They take plastic wrap for who
knows what... Like I said, they take trash to use it and bubble wrap is a hot commodity!
(They are fascinated that it pops when it’s squeezed.) One man’s trash really is another man’s treasure,
here. Nothing is wasted.
So, tonight I couldn’t just turn and tell them to go. I waved to the smallest girl. She looked so sad. I don’t even remember if she waved back; I
just remember the look in her eyes. I
lost it… I told John I couldn’t do it… I
could not continue to look these children in the eyes and tell them to go. I could not continue to eat each night even
if it is just rice and beans and sometimes some meat, knowing that right
outside our door there are people…children…families that probably hadn’t eaten
all day or maybe for many days. I knew
that getting up and fetching food for them wasn’t an option I had, either.
John looked for Herod, who is quite fluent in English, so we could ask
him what options we had, if any. If we
gave to these 3 there would be 300 more begging within minutes, no doubt. I didn’t know what to do but I knew we had to
do something. As tears streamed down my
face in front of my own children, I was reminded of all the scriptures that
talk of doing for the “least of these”….. these people here ARE the least of
these! We’ve been able to feed 5-10
extra mouths each night since we’ve been here but I found myself asking God, “What
about the other 500-1000?”
I got up and went inside to get some Kleenex. When I came back the kids were gone. Someone ran them off. We sat with Herod and
brainstormed how we can reach the masses...how we can be used to make a
difference as God has called us to do…how we can feed more and share with more
and invite more. I wish I could tell you
that we came up with a grand idea that we plan to implement starting tomorrow
but there is no easy fix in this situation.
We plan to sit down with the local pastor and discuss the best way to
get started but for now, we are praying that God will keep breaking our hearts
over the things that break His heart. We
answered His call to come to Haiti but coming was only the beginning. We are eager to see His hand move over this
country and provide the way only HE can.
Do we think we can make a difference in the life of one much less the
lives of 1000’s? No, but we know who can
and before we can begin to introduce them to Him, we’ve got to meet them where
they are---and where they are right now, is in need.
Oh God, in the midst of the darkness, You ARE the light that guides us
through…
Our eyes are on You!
You are so near to the broken, the weak DO find their strength in You…
Our eyes are on You!
When I get lost in the madness, You ARE the peace that calms my soul…
Our eyes are on you!
You bring hope to the hopeless, You’re the love that won’t let go!
Our eyes are on you!
As we lift our eyes to you, we claim that You are where our help comes
from!
Our hope is found in You, Jesus, Lord of ALL!
We lift our eyes to You, Exalted One!
We know that Your promise stands and that Your love endures!
Nothing can shake us while we are standing on Your Word,
We’re not afraid , we’re full of hope!
We’re not afraid , we’re full of hope!
You’ll never leave, you’ll never let us go, nor do I believe that you
will let go of those who are hurting and hungry…
Where we aren’t capable,
Father, we are asking for your favor and for your immeasurable capabilities. Show us how to best be of use to further Your
kingdom… help us know how to give to the least of these as You have so
graciously given to us… It's Friday, but Sunday is coming!
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